Being happy can make you let your hair down. Being happy can make you weak. I was so deep in joy and comfort that I forgot, for a moment, the hard lonely time.
Huyền Chíp xách balo lên và đi, nhưng tôi thì không được “hào hùng” như vậy. Tôi phải rút thẻ ra, lên kế hoạch đến từng phút sao cho tận dụng được tối đa thời gian nghỉ phép. Hạn hẹp cả về thời gian và tài chính, nhưng chính những khó khăn, vật lộn trong quá trình chuẩn bị và đi khiến tôi học được nhiều điều, về những vùng đất mới, và quan trọng nhất là về cuộc sống của chính mình.
Did I miss my chance when you still loved me like in a surreal novel? Did I let your hot romance slip by without showing any appreciation for us, and now I have to pay my price? If I do, God, please please please please tell me how to fix it, how to bring him back. I don’t know what else to do. I really don’t. I already gave him everything I could offer. I changed myself for him. I already reached my limit. I couldn’t love or care for anyone more than that.
But it’s 2 am now, and I am still awake and crying, again…
I’m not sure if I want to change. I’m not sure if I’m proud to change. But as I see your smile and let myself be drowned in your eyes, there is a part of me that I know for sure happily wants to hand you a double-edged sword, no matter if you’re going to protect me, or kill me with it.
Originally posted on Thought Catalog:
Flickr/Janine Hey, you. If you’re seeing this it means my replies are now quicker than usual. We’ve come to a point where I tell you…
Sometimes I doubt too much I think I am incapable of love. No, I don’t love you. Definitely not. Not yet. But I know I am capable of loving, other things.
The best way to not have your heart broken is to pretend you don’t have one.
“Angry, and half in love with her, and tremendously sorry, I turned away.”
I may keep crying. It was totally my choice, but no fairy will materialize, no magic will last after midnight. No one will care. In the end, I am the only one to care about me most, to love me most, and to be responsible for my own life.
Every time I returned from my vacation, I felt a little better. Every time, I realized I wasn’t ready to share my freedom, my independence, my selfishness. I am still the girl who travels solo, who makes plans by herself, who sweeps everyone else out of her path if they cannot follow. I thrive alone. I live in the world of aloneness. As much as I want to meet someone who I could set aside my selfishness, to change everything, including and especially myself, a part of me doesn’t want that change. A part of me wants to remain forever free and no string attached.