This idea, or realization, came to me as I struggled to use an Android phone again. For years I only knew how to use Samsung, until earlier this year, I lost my one and only smart phone and had to make it with an old Nokia Lumia. 4 and a half months later, when that phone was too old and the battery died within half a day, I went to the store again, and now, kind of struggling to connect to WiFi, install apps, add contacts, edit photos, browse webs, etc. again.
It’s all about adapting to changes and creating your new habits. For some people, yes, the process is easier. They were simply born with less emotions, an open mind, or whatever it takes to make changes easy for them. For some people, changes are hard, destructive even. But in the end, everyone is born with the survival instinct and will eventually find a way to survive, to live, to bloom.
Everything is just our own habit. I created my own habit of waking up to hearing his voice. I created my own habit of saying/hearing his goodbye when leaving work. When he left the company to start his own business, I had to forfeit that habit. I created my own habit of doing everything with him. I created my own habit of asking for his advice every time. Those habits, those that made me thought I could die not having him in my life, were merely and strictly my own creation, nothing more than a beaten path shaped through time.
It will take time to get used to not seeing him every weekend, take time to not like his posts on Facebook, take time to get used to changing a light bulb by myself again, take time to get used to calling a plumber instead of him when there is a leak, take time to get used to going to the stores alone, take time to not talk about a person I’d been talking about everyday. But all those things – seeing him every weekend, liking his posts, having him change my light bulb or fixing a leak, shopping with him, talking about him every day – were merely my own creation, my own habit that I created. I didn’t have those habits for 24 years, and merely adapted to having a man in my life for 17 months, but the recent habits make it so difficult going back.
Same way as I had been using Android for 2 years and only adapted to Windows phone for 4 months.