When you lose yourself…

Growing up I learned the value of being independent, financially, mentally, and spiritually. I was forced to. Most of the time there was no one around; no siblings to take care of me; my parents were out making a living all the time. Yes, they cooked and fed me, they took me to school and home-schooled me as well. But one day it stopped. I simply grew up and sitting behind my dad’s back on his scooter seemed too confining. I grew up and my math problems were suddenly out of my mom’s league.

First week in the US, College Healthcare asked me to come over because there was a problem with my health check. I freaked out. With my tendency to overthink, I thought they were going to deport me. I cried to my mom and she calmly told me “You’re on your own now, dad and I are so far away, what do you expect us to do for you now?”. And I learned how to accept, learned that one day maybe everything that you once relied on would no longer be there, could no longer be there.

With that I closed my heart. I looked down on dependence. I called it weak and pathetic.

But God knows time changes, and people change the most.

Being happy can make you let your hair down. Being happy can make you weak. I was so deep in joy and comfort that I forgot, for a moment, the hard lonely time. I changed. I reduced my whole world to 2 people. With that I became the ultimate example of “dependence.” I thought it was normal, unavoidable even. I thought the earth stopped moving. I thought it was it, nothing could change now. I thought “now” would last forever.

But God knows nothing lasts forever.


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